Coke and Rum

I think I need to fall in love. Because I'm scared that if I don't, my old, rusty heart will crumble. That I'll stop feeling all together. Because the noose is now too tight and I don't think that I'll survive much longer. Or maybe my heart won't crumble, maybe it'll get an upgrade. I'll become a robot. Where feeling is an option but love isn't. Maybe my ideas of romance are a bit far fetched. Because I just want someone who genuinely likes me and I'm not sure that's possible nowadays. I'm not sure what there is to love, besides a shell of myself, but I want someone who can learn to love that. I want someone who can learn to love my dark, twisted mind and my shallow words. Who can learn to love my sad, longing eyes and my selfless touch. I know I'm not anything great, I know I'm not special. I'm not a diamond, not even in the rough. I've tried to fix my heart, but every time I pick up a piece I earn a new scar. I tried so hard, but I ended up with bloody hands and tears rolling down my cheeks. I ended up mending my heart only to have it shatter again. I'm terrified to fall in love because I have always been responsible for breaking my own heart. I'm scared to give that responsibility to someone else. No, I've never felt that kind of love. That electricity or heat in ones touch. I crave it so badly, like an alcoholic craves liquor. But I never even got a fucking taste.