Grab the Gardening Tools

I don't understand. Why do you think it's necessary to be thin? I can assure you, that it's not all it's cracked up to be. It won't make you happier, or smarter, or more confident. I don't understand why people think that if they loose a few pounds, they'll loose the voices in their heads. I have voices, they scream the ugliest things. Beauty is not in the inches between thighs, or the dips of collarbones, or the points of hipbones. I have all of it and I'm still mangled beyond repair. I'm telling you this because one day I told someone that I hated my life. She replied saying something like, "You have a thigh gap, your life seems fine." That hit me like a slap in the face. Who was she to have the nerve to judge my life based off a space between my thighs?!? And that's the sad part; people can't look past their conceptions of beauty fast enough to realize that the person behind the "beautiful" is really fucked up inside. And I'm just a skeleton, filled with enough fake compliments to last me a life time. If your body is a garden, then mine was left untended. Because there are weeds growing in my rib cage. Moss growing on my lips. Moths chewing at my feet. Flowers wilting in my eyes. Thorns roping around my heart. And daisies laid around my gravestone. Because they all thought I was beautiful, they just never thought to tell me. But maybe it's just a side effect of dying, because when the thoughts of hate swirled in my head they kept their lips sealed. Now they're all crying my name, while reading the note, claiming that they knew I was gorgeous all along, yet in their minds the only memory they share with me is a small tumble of words. But maybe not. Maybe they think of me as the stick-thin girl who always stayed quiet and was never brave enough or pretty enough to be remembered. Because that's how I would remember myself. And it's funny because all the girls who want to be skinny like me are the total opposite. They have sunflower eyes, carnation voices, roses for hearts, baby breath skin, tulip petal lips, and flowerbed souls. They have had people there tending their garden, making sure everything is okay. Other people can see all of these beautiful things about them, but they can't. But me, there is nothing beautiful to see.