Twisted Thoughts

These days as the leaves begin falling, I'm starting to become stuck. Stuck between who I should be, who I am, and who I want to be. I can't look in a mirror anymore, without a chorus of malicious voices reminding me of my every flaw. My yearning to leave this place has grown to a level where it's almost unbearable. Because I was right. Now I'm stuck in a school with the same type of people I grew up with. I have no hope. In the hallway a cursory glance can turn into a longing stare. But I stared too long, and you saw the way my eyes lit up. You saw every vulnerability, every ounce of the person I've been trying so hard to conceal. I can't wait for the day that the world stops revolving around Homecoming and football games. Because lonely people need to breathe too and lately I've been suffocating. There's no air between the state of numbness and the state of freedom, yet I'm trapped exactly in the middle. But they don't get it, neither do you. How can we be on the "same boat", if we're not even sailing in the same sea? Your very being emanates glory. And you still expect me to believe that we're even in the same league? I can't even teach myself how to love, and you're out there crying the tears of young romance. Just tell me, exactly, what makes us so similar? Because everyday I look at you and wish I could be the way you are. With your purposefully delivered sentences and eloquent tongue. You're beautiful in every sense of the word. I am nothing but an outspoken girl with eternally chipped nail polish and grasping for the definition of l o v e. Hope is a four letter word and I'm tired of cussing. I'm just tired, tired, tired of everyday wishing for reprieve. Wishing for something greater than myself. But I'm just a stargazer, while everyone else is walking on the moon.